HomeMy WebLinkAbout10/17/2017 Item 10, Leonis
Christian, Kevin
From:Felix Leonis <felix.leonis@gmx.com>
Sent:Sunday,
To:E-mail Council Website
Subject:Item 10
Dear Mayoress and Councillors,
I demand that you stop keeping humans off the mountain at night. We need to have them up there at midnight and beyond. Your refusal to permit this
is just another example of humans’ preoccupation with their own convenience and their ignorance and non-caring for the rest of us.
We have rights too.
This is a matter of social equity and dietary necessity.
You have made such a mess of things with your overuse of our home that food is scarce. I sleep all day, and eat at night, so it’s essential I have
something to eat – like a ready stock of Coedia polyana nocturnam upon which to feed. I have found the ones who go very fast with the tight and
fibrous second skin are tastiest – much better than chicken. I once made the mistake of trying to eat the other part of speedy Coedia, but broke a
tooth, so have learned to stick to the succulent parts, and leave the brightly painted parts behind.
Let me try to tell you why a plentiful stock of swift nocturnal Coedia is important. Given the food insecurity you have caused us, this tasty
supplement can play a large role in our survival, health and stamina. Here’s how that works.
I, at the top of the food chain, wait aside a trail for a Coedia to pass. I’m finicky. So I wait for the right speedy one. When I spring, Coedia is off into
the brush in a flash, and I gorge on the fresh kill. This relieves my starvation. But I am not selfish, at least once I’m filled, so I let my friends share.
First my short-tailed little cousin Rufous takes some bites. It doesn’t take much to fill him up. By then Jacky and his clan have gathered to watch. I
stay to protect Rufous from these jackals, then we withdraw together and the dogs tuck in. I’ll come back after they’re done to hide the rest of my kill
for tomorrow.
Soon word of tasty Coedia spreads. So I share with a flock of large red-headed black harpies. Somebody told me they’re TVs, but they don’t look
much like my TV. One time a really big one with a thing clipped on his wing flew in. I asked him who he was, and he said Jim Gyps. I’d never heard
a name like that – have you? Jim doesn’t come often, but the smaller harpies move over when he does.
Several days of this deals with the all soft parts of Coedia. The hard parts get finished off by troops of Rattus – how do so many of them find us?
They’re a nuisance, but I leave them alone because my foxy neighbors Ashie and Silverbeam and their kids need them for food. So does Woodie the
owl. Anyway, it’s nice that nothing goes to waste.
Now you can see how silly your ideas about our welfare are. We want more nocturnal Coedia on our mountain so we can eat ‘em. Making them
available benefits us by sustaining us, and benefits you by our eating them before they multiply and emit greenhouse gases that kill the earth. Save
the earth, let the Coedia play on the mountain at night!
Really, it’s unfair for you not to supply what we need to survive. It’s a matter of social equity. Have you no heart?
Epicurely yours,
Felix Leonis
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